Should You Text Him First? Pros and Cons

Published on April 26, 2025

by Emma Jones

You had a great conversation, maybe even a first date, and now you’re staring at your phone. Should you text him first—or wait it out?

Smart, confident women ask this question not because they’re insecure, but because they value self-respect and healthy dynamics. Let’s unpack the pros and cons of making the first move.

The Pros of Texting Him First

There’s power in initiating, especially when it’s intentional and confident. Here’s what you gain by reaching out:

Shows confidence and interest without games
Clarifies mutual interest sooner than later
Takes pressure off passive waiting
Establishes you as a communicator, not a mind reader
Can lead to momentum if the interest is mutual

The Cons of Texting Him First

While texting first isn’t wrong, there are potential downsides worth considering—especially if it becomes a pattern.

May shift the dynamic to you doing most of the initiating
Could mask disinterest on his part if he’s non-responsive
May create overattachment to outcome
Could disrupt your own pacing or clarity
Sometimes feels more empowering to wait and observe

What Smart Women Do Differently

They don’t default to always texting or never texting. They consider the context. If the connection felt mutual and light, why not go first? If it felt one-sided, maybe observe more.

They also separate curiosity from overinvestment. One text isn’t a contract—it’s just communication.

Try This Instead

If you do text him first, keep it breezy and self-assured. Here are a few confident openers:

“Had fun chatting earlier. Hope your day’s going well!”
“Hey, I just saw something that reminded me of you…”
“Glad we met—hope the rest of your week is smooth!”
“Let me know if you want to continue that convo.”
“Nice to meet someone who gets my kind of sarcasm.”

Takeaway

Texting him first doesn’t make you desperate—it makes you clear. The real question isn’t whether to reach out. It’s whether your energy is being met, respected, and reciprocated. Lead with confidence, not fear.